Blog #3

Don’t Hide The Belt

Story by Aaron Morrison


On Monday, USA Today insinuated that children who are spanked have an increased chance of becoming the world’s top CEOs and power brokers. This news certainly comes too late for most college students.

Honestly, how many of us would have taken a few more spankings to have the master corner-office suite, stock options, and a Rolls Royce?

I certainly was spanked when I was growing up. But hell, don’t I now wish I could have been beaten nearly unconscious just before I went off to college. Perhaps I’d have that 4.0 GPA.

The very suggestion that there is a correlation between getting the belt occasionally and becoming the head of a major corporation is a bit absurd, but not totally far-fetched.

While I’m no CEO or power broker, I certainly can attest to the power of a good beating. I remember the time I was spanked in the first grade (pants down with a wooden yardstick from the garage) because a girl hit me and I pushed her back. Of course when the girl told our teacher, I was the one sent home with a “bad news” report for my parents to sign, which clearly stated that I had pushed a chubby, brunette girl during recess.

My mom spanked me good for that one. And while I was angry that nobody believed the girl hit me first, I certainly avoided all potentially physical altercations with the opposite sex from then on. Perhaps this means I’ll be less likely to beat my wife when I get married. But I’ve digressed.

Where was I? Oh yes, pubescent beatings and CEOs.

According to the USA Today article, of the 20 CEOs they interviewed over a few months, all 20 over-achievers admitted to being spanked during their youth. However, most felt being spanked as an adolescent had little to do with the successes in their careers.

That’s complete bullshit.

If I’m going to be beat for most, if not all, of my childhood, something good better come out of it.

In fact, I urge you all to tell your younger brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, cousins and Godchildren to stop hiding daddy’s belt. Just hand it to him when he comes home from work. Tell him you pushed Suzy Bluesy on the playground today at recess. And don’t forget to mention she broke her neck. That’ll get you a real good whooping.

During the spanking, snotty nose and tears, think of the paid vacation to tropic islands, the country club memberships and expense accounts. It’s all worth it, right?